After squeaking out a 24-14 win over Nicholls State last week, Texas A&M made a statement to the rest of the world that if you’re a Division II or FCS football team, you better be real careful about playing the Aggies. “Sure, people made fun of us last week for losing a 30-point second half lead,” said A&M coach Kevin Sumlin. “But I think this 10 point win over a mediocre FCS team proves that we are back.”
Nicholls State, on the other hand, left College Station with some big questions to grapple with. “I mean, if we can’t get over the hump against Texas A&M, how are we gonna fare once we start playing real teams?” said Nicholls State’s head coach, whose name was not available online.
Some people may say that Kevin Sumlin is on the hot seat, but a one game winning streak over FCS teams in 2017 may be just the ticket Sumlin needs to land a job coaching receivers at UTEP next year.
After excitedly buying the Blu-ray of the Lord of the Rings Extended Edition, Kevin Sumlin fell asleep with just twenty minutes left in the movie. “I thought my effort in the first half of the movie was great – I was really alert and defied a lot of expectations. Unfortunately, in the last part of the movie, I just let it slip away from me,” Sumlin said as he somberly addressed his family the next morning.
The recent incident is just one of many similar situations Sumlin has found himself in recently. Last fall, Sumlin binge watched all of Stranger Things in one day and was on a roll. Many thought it would be a monumental achievement for him, but right before the season finale, he dozed off and left the series unfinished.
The Sumlin situation has gotten so bad that a member of the Texas A&M Board of Regents took to Facebook to complain. “If Kevin Sumlin can’t finish Lord of the Rings even with a huge head start, I don’t know why we continue to pay his HBO Go membership.”
Texas A&M heads into the 2017 season led by Kevin Sumlin. In his six years at A&M, Sumlin has become renowned for his ability to win big games and force quarterbacks to transfer. During Sumlin’s reign, the Aggies have pulled off memorable victories over the titans of college football like Alabama and Duke.
Prior to A&M, Sumlin was the head coach at the University of Houston where he perfected the art of seeming like a good coach on the surface, while concealing the multitude of deeply entrenched problems within his program just long enough to leave town.
Sumlin heads into the 2017 season with the desire to prove to the world that Texas A&M truly deserves its place as the fourth best team in the SEC West, and that last years appearance in the Texas Bowl was no fluke.